Birthdays are a great source of fear for a lot of us, and for me it was always that I wasn't where I wanted to be by the time that number came up, or that the optimistic 17-year old me was let down. This year was so full of both beginnings and endings, that 17-year old Stephanie finally learned the lesson she had been neglecting all along.
I used to live fearlessly for myself, getting high off my own adventures and random activities that never got me into trouble, but rather distanced me from those I kept close. I always wanted the craziest story to tell. To be the one on Monday with the biggest news and most exciting "only-in-the-movies-but-I-made-it-happen" moments. Then I would lie awake at night feeling empty and lost, wondering why everyone but me seemed so happy. This past year, and the years leading up to it, I learned the importance of truly reaching out and saying hello...the magic behind telling someone how awesome I think they are and that I want to be around them more.
I learned to live fearlessly for others in my life. To courageously look someone in the eye and tell them the truth. To say "I missed you," or "I'm sorry," or, "you look amazing today."
I learned that while I love having a partner in crime, I am a much better half when I can bring more of me to the table.
I learned that others are just as afraid as I am of real moments. And that laughter can really get you through anything.
I learned that its okay to not know how to be a domestic goddess. I truly have no idea what it means to be a wife. All I know is I am a damn lucky woman to have the most optimistic and energetic man by my side every day.
I learned that not everyone wants advice. Sometimes they just want the same smile I give to the people in my classes every day.
I learned that sometimes, going to a mental place of euphoria in order to get through an hour or two is okay - and that some people might even be right there with you.
I learned that love is so much more than romance, and that its many forms may be hard to understand at first, but patience can guide to understanding some time down the road. I also learned it's okay to not know where that road leads.
I learned that this list might mean nothing next year, as I reflect on 28. That's okay, too.
And I learned that no day is guaranteed. I hate saying goodbye and often avoid it because it makes me feel sad. After losing my mother-in-law before she got to dance at our wedding, the realization that we NEVER know when we will hug someone for the last time hit hard.
So I tried to hit life back this year.
And if I had 28 ways to say thank you to the family and friends (new and old) that have all been a part of so much, I would send magical owls with letters to each and every one of you containing letters of endless love.
Now if only I could get my edge back...... ;)
http://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=kp&v=5RAQXg0IdfI
