Bleak, Bitchin', and Broke
In an attempt to avoid and win over the bleak midwinter, this gal writes her tales of every day complaints (bitches) and monetary woes.
Sunday, April 20, 2014
Birthday
Monday, March 31, 2014
100 Miles In March
Sunday, March 23, 2014
Painting a Black Canvas (or read at your own discretion)
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
Let's Sweat Together, Yeah Yeah, Yeah
I don't think so. Because as soon as I recognized that running was my way of having fun with my free time, I looked for a new challenge that would keep my body changing and progressing.
Enter Bikram Yoga.
I walked out of Bikram NYC nine years ago and never went back. The balancing frustrated me. The postures that I had to conform to always won the battle and made me feel like a loser. A fat loser. My roommate at the time, of course, loved it so much that she went on to continue her training and become certified to teach. Nine years later, she's still at it.
Enter my husband. A strong man with an even stronger mind. Someone who loves challenges as much as me - but probably doesn't need to run more than 2 miles at a time. We like to be active together, but since both of our jobs consist of running around the city sweating, we usually end up as blobs in the bed, barely able to say goodnight through our exhaustion.
So I signed us up for an amazingly priced deal at 105F studios. As many classes as one can take in one month for one price. If you take 3 classes, the fee is worth it. So I committed myself to 20 classes this month. No matter what, I WILL go 20 times. I will conquer my old mindset, hold accept the postures that were once the bain of my existence, and DO this.
A few evenings ago, we went to our first class. We were welcomed warmly as soon as we entered, and all nervousness over yoga snobs and being in a new environment subsided. The hot room felt great at first! My husband, being outside for most of his days in Chicago's recent subzero temperatures, greatly appreciated this retreat. It was nice to watch him smile and see a lot of tension melt away.
The balancing postures that I once loathed actually weren't that difficult to hold. I didn't feel fat anymore. I didn't feel like a loser.
I felt beautiful.
Amidst my sweat, I felt beautiful.
The first shavasana (dead man's) I discovered I let tears stream down my cheeks. 9 years later, I had finally done it. My body was healthy. My mind was focused. My stomach was no longer in the way.
And my husband was next to me. Suffering through this hot, HOT room because he knew how much it meant to me.
The remainder of class consisted of postures on the floor, which I remembered liking a bit more. It is amazing how much the body can store and recall. The heart rate intervals through bow pose and camel almost felt good - because of my fitness knowledge on the benefit of interval training. There in those moments, I was taking care of ME for the first time in quite awhile. Nothing else mattered. The rest of the world had melted away. I was connected to my mind and body again without being afraid of the outcome. I was safe. The rage I had let gather over time was surfacing in a calm light, and I finally set some of it free.
So I went again the next day. This time solo. I wanted my body to know that the night before had not been an accident, and that we were really in this new challenge. I had the same feeling of accomplishment at the end - albeit different moments throughout the class I still felt like quitting or taking a break.
In the end, it is only a hour and a half of the day. What you do with that hour and a half can possibly make the remaining 22.5 hours even more fulfilling.
Day 3 of my self-imposed challenge is scheduled for tonight at 8.
How do you challenge yourself? Have you ever hit a plateau with the realization to try something new? Is there anything that you're afraid to try?
Oh, and here is the song that inspired the title to this post: http://youtu.be/1sWi4_0jycA
Also, here is the song that inspired the title to this post : http://youtu.be/1sWi4_0jycA
Thursday, February 27, 2014
One Step at a Time
Thursday, February 13, 2014
A Romantic's Take on the Anti-Valentine
Tuesday, February 4, 2014
"You have to take a look backwards in order to go forward!" --Betsey JohnsonXox
I am the least fashionable person I know, so titling this post with a quote from Betsey Johnson may seem odd; but her persona and energy are electric, and her business savvy is inspiration no matter the field. Plus, it's true (and this dress is super cute). We must learn from our past to better our future. So I took a look back at a post I wrote 5 years ago that commemorated my 6th Mensiversary as a Chicago resident.
As of yesterday, I have lived in Chicago for 6 months. Though I feel a little disappointed in myself, and I'm more broke than I have ever been, I am taking a good friend's advice and counting my accomplishments thus far.
#1 - Equinox Group Fitness Instructor (step aerobics, Evolution, cardio junkie/cardio blitz). Still not teaching enough permanent classes to receive health insurance, but covering for enough instructors to have the members requesting my name on their schedules more often.
#2 - Wicked audition
#3 - Jersey Boys singers call followed by the next day dance call.
#4 - Performing at Double Door
#5 - Getting into the Midnight Shows and lining up gigs
#6 - I don't know. I can't think of a #6. Possibly the fact that I'm still alive? I didn't move away to New York when things got hard? I'm almost done combing through my musical for the last time?
Six Things I want to have accomplished:
#1 - Have lined up a theatre company or space in which to produce Something New: A Musical Dramedy
#2 - Play gigs more than once every other month.
#3 - Pay off my credit card
#4 - Get cast in a show (I will not refer to myself as The Callback Girl ANYMORE)
#5 - Finish recording an EP with Adam
#6 - Get cast in another show
**
**
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Flash forward to today, where I now have been a Chicago resident for 5 years and 6 months.
I've lived in 6 apartments.
That credit card is paid off.
I have played many more than 1 show every other month (Feb 2012 we hit 5 times).
Currently developing new music and exploring a new sound outside of our covers.
The Midnight Shows doesn't exist anymore, but the creator of that group has moved on to bigger and better things, and it has been enjoyable to watch The Dead On achieve great momentum.
I work enough to not have to worry about money, and believe I have the best job in the world for me.
I don't really worry about being cast in shows, because I feel as though I have a performance every day. What drew me to performing in the first place was the fact that a group of people could all transcend along the same energy to another mental space and time where nothing else mattered. This is what I have the pleasure of doing multiple times every day, and see that it really helps people.
I also don't worry about auditions anymore, because of the creation of a project where we get to call the shots. Thanks to the guys who allow me to make music with them every day, I feel fulfilled.
Another thing I did notice about that old list was that it was full of loneliness and want. I've learned so much more about the human condition in the past 5 years, and part of that is the acceptance that we will always feel lonely. It is more about strengthening and adding depth to the bonds around us so that in moments of loneliness, we do not feel absolutely destitute. That list was devoid of all aspects that make life accomplishments more enjoyable, and if anything has changed about me in the past 5 years, it is that I'm not afraid to make known how much I love having someone in my life. I have not been afraid to express how much I appreciate the presence and hard work of friends who have stuck by, or the new ones who were brave enough not to hit the ground running when I may have hugged to tight.
Taking a look back to read that last paragraph, I fear it makes me appear needy and it almost got deleted. But alas, those are only words, after all. And as my tattoo states, we must be "louder than words."